Hello! I’m Emily, and today I am entering a blog post of my own, courtesy of The Lazy Baker! I blog over at whenwillmylifebegin2.blogspot.com, and I generally blog about whatever I’m feeling. I apologize because I haven’t posted since March, but that is soon to be changed. I am 20 years old and I have been married for 7 months now, and they’re not lying when they say that the first year of marriage is the hardest! Anyways onto my post..
On the 4th September, I had a miscarriage. I know the title of this blog post is ‘The Secret of Happiness’, so I promise I won’t make you cry. It’s been almost 3 weeks since I lost my baby and I have to tell you it’s a very hard experience to go through. At the time I didn’t realize how common this was in pregnant women – I think it’s something like 1 in 4 pregnancies end up in a miscarriage – Before I knew this I started to blame myself for what had happened. I kept saying, ‘was it something I did wrong?’, ‘why is this happening to me?’ But I’ve come to realize that God has a plan for each and every one of us, and if things like this happen, they happen for a reason.
People have asked me whether I will try again, I say yes eventually, but I’m not sure when. When they ask me that it does put pressure on me, but I know I will get pregnant again and I will have a baby, I just have to be patient.
I wanted to remember the baby, so I have made a note of the event; I don’t want to forget. That baby will always have a place in my heart. I am going to keep my pregnancy notes and my documents I have from this pregnancy and keep them in a safe place. I don’t want to just forget it ever happened, I never will, and I’m okay with that. My husband and I, we lost our child and that’s something worth remembering.
I found this poem and it really helped me with the pain and sadness of my loss;
‘I carried you every second of your life, and I will LOVE you for every second of mine.’
I am a Mother and I will always be a Mother, even if I don’t end up having children. I believe you become a Mother as soon as you find out you are expecting, not just when you give birth to a child. I love my baby and I always will. As I said, my baby will always have a place in my heart.
I have learnt from this experience to be grateful for what I have; a home, food, a husband to take care of me and be with me a times like this, a family outside of my home and support of friends and loved ones. I could list many more blessings I have in my life and every time I list them, it makes me feel a whole lot better.
Count your blessings, for this I believe to be the secret of happiness!